Have been appearing offline. I'm sorry. Just din have the heart to really talk to anyone.
Flying off to Taiwan tonight. Lotsa things on my mind. If i'm not back, well...
Just wanna say thank you all.
Thank you for the love and joy that i've been able to experience through knowing all of you.
As we age and mature, we learn to make decisions that sometimes we may not want to make. Ultimately, the choice is still ours. We bear the consequences, and most times, they last forever.
The hurt, the pain, the longing. I know i'm not alone on this though. Have seen and visited countless blogs. Some from close ones, others belonging to friends of friends.
In the end, all we just wanna be, is happy.
I wish you all the best my friends, and you my dear reader.
Till the day i'm back, stay safe, stay sane, and stay the same.
Lotsa love,
Jason.
David Cook - Always be my baby
We were as one babe For a moment in time And it seemed everlasting That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free So I'm letting you fly Cause I know in my heart babe Our love will never die No!
You'll always be a part of me I'm a part of you indefinitely Girl don't you know you can't escape me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby And we'll linger on Time can't erase a feeling this strong No way you're never gonna shake me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I ain't gonna cry no And I won't beg you to stay If you're determined to leave girl I will not stand in your way But inevitably you'll be back again Cause ya know in your heart babe Our love will never end no
You'll always be a part of me I'm part of you indefinitely Girl don't you know you can't escape me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby And we'll linger on Time can't erase a feeling this strong No way you're never gonna shake me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I know that you'll be back girl When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh I know that, you'll be right back, babe Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time
You'll always be a part of me I'm part of you indefinitely Girl don't you know you can't escape me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby And we'll linger on Time can't erase a feeling this strong No way you're never gonna shake me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....
You'll always be a part of me (you will always be) I'm part of you indefinitely Girl don't you know you can't escape me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby And we'll linger on (we will linger on....) Time can't erase a feeling this strong No way you're never gonna shake me Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
Always be my baby
2:37 PM
Monday, August 11, 2008
SAT 2nd Aug JANICE'S B'day Sentosa- Beach with the guys!
Shan's house- Zi Char style dinner with the clique
ZOUK- Velvet for jeanie's event as a surprise for jan, followed by Wine Bar followed by Zouk and theeeen Phuture at last.
SUN 3rd Aug Church- Played for band Fort Canning- SINGFEST!!!
FRI 8th Aug Phuture- Eric's Nation's countdown PARTY. Pun intended.
SAT 9th Aug MOS- Khung Lin wasn't happy with fri, so we went to MOS under a guest list.
Whahaha... Looks like... FRI = Hang out (movie, supper, club/bar, etc, etc, etc...) SAT = Sentosa (beachvolley, movie, supper, etc, etc, etc...) SUN = Church/Rest (self-explantory)
A dear friend mentioned that it was typical of guys (ESP NS MEN) to go clubbing. I don't disagree. =)
Btw...came across a book by Neil Strauss titled, The Game. Its a direct contrary to the book I kissed dating goodbye. Read both and you'll understand why.
Oh and...Tuesdays with Morrie kinda sums things up. =)
12:53 AM
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Sometimes...i wonder... What am i to you? Do you see me when i'm there? Do you think of me when i'm no longer around?
Awkward silences...sometimes we don't talk...we don't keep on touch... When we do, its like things are back to normal again...
I keep running away from these feelings... Seeking solace in books and music. Have you ever wondered what you've done to me?
I keep myself busy... I wish not to think. As long as i'm reminded of those times... I just wanna look away. I don't want those tears to come again.
Well...maybe soon, i can be smiling like i used to in those pics that i'm looking at now.
Listen to the music of my heartbeat. Budum budum dum.
2:04 AM
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Tues- Gastric Wed- Flu Thurs- Fever
Thurs night while have guard duty rest, woken up by Sean, my dear BSLC buddy.
Sean to a blurry eyed me: EH! Why you not happy to see me! Me: Huuuuuhh (drags my words)...haiyo...okok... (climbs outta the double decker bed) Sean: You should be happy man! WAH LAO! Me: Wake up first thing see you this black thing...nightmare sia...(yawns). Sean: NBCCB.
Can't believe i'm having gastric...i mean...i eat like virtually non-stop. Especially wen i'm out in the jungle...i dun mind all those army food man...so how can i get gastric???
Totally absurb.
Hmmm...
Seems like i'm missing out on the trip to Taiwan as i'll be on course. Damn. But well...8-5 most weekdays from Aug-Sept. That means i'm gonna be QUITE free. MEET UP K PPL???
Oh yeah...talked to two of the regulars from my unit...realised they're from TP as well...lotsa friends in common man. Haha...small world indeed...
Pretty contended with life...other than...the small lil pressures here and there...but after i think about what i wanna do with MY life, i guess, i shouldn't be affected...
It could happen to anyone...you ready?
12:52 AM
Sunday, July 06, 2008
The journey was long, Weather was humid. Departure was delayed, Hearts filled with anticipation.
Anxious and calm, A mixture of both. Into the madness, There I went.
Packs on, Ready to go. Lept off on command, Ready to hit and roll.
Night and day became a blur. Silence fills the emptiness of the night. Tension so thick with every sudden sound. Cursing and swearing becomes another noun.
Right seems wrong and wrong seems right. One wrong move and its all messed up.
Tired. Pissed. Mentally blank. Emotional.
I realised there and then. That I was never alone. Memories that I've had kept me alive kept me going.
Each step a pleasure, Each move a joy. Every success one step closer, Every nightfall equivalent to one day lesser.
My friend what you've given me no one can take away. No enemy no foe, Its too sacred, They be damned.
I smiled to myself, I teared in the dark. I let my mind drift off to recapture the days we've shared.
When I kneel down, I think not of the pain that I feel, But of how I'm gonna tell you, Its YOU that makes this worth a whole deal.
On the brink of exhaustion, Throat parched and tongue heavy, I lifted my head still and defied them all.
So near yet so far, They pushed us. I want to be free.
I was never alone. I never was my friend. You kept me company. You didn't even have to be there.
The simple fact is... That you're my friend, and you never left me to be alone.
This entry is for you my friend. Simple as it may be...but as the cliche saying goes...words can never express how I feel.
Stay who you are my friend.
With all the love,appreciation,thanks,kisses and hugs I can ever give,
JASON A.k.a YUAN YUAN
3:33 AM
Its finally over...the nonsense, the sufferings, the non-stop field camps... Being away from so many loved ones, really leaves u feeling numb, but at the same time, it pushes one on.
Its the memories of those that i love, that held me together, that forced me to endure. I went through all of this, simply for them...as in...its worth nothing, unless if it makes them happy. You know what i mean.
I can't go into the specifics over here as to how my past 6 weeks have been like...have still got another 2 more weeks to go anyway. I've got my jungle hat now though...and i'm seriously considering using "Yuan Yuan" as my nick. Why? Coz thats what my guys call me...smth close to the heart i guess...its like only those who've been on this mad ride with me call me in such a manner.
This whole year is dedicated to training in a way. After this RCC ( Recce Commander Course ), i'll be on Bike course followed by the Platoon Sgt course. Time is surely gonna pass uber fast.
Thinking abt it, even my b'day will go by, and i'll be 21...haha...getting old... Gotta celebrate it early since i won't be around on the actual period. Arg...can't get to celebrate with my other "twin" Jeanie and the clique!
After not blogging for so long...i just wanna say...
Thank you. Yup... I'm referring to you my damn friends. =) Thank you for sticking with me and making me smile, making me laugh, making me tear and simply just...being who you are. Next to God and my family, its you guys and gals who kept me going...
Its been really tough after what happened...but hey...you people filled up the void that was in me and true enough, as time passes...yeah, you get the gist.
For now, i just wanna hang on tight to everyone of you damn fellows coz i'll never know whats gonna happen next.
I LOVE YOU PPL!
3:15 AM
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Just wanna show smth sent from a friend.
There are only 3 things we need in life. Love to make us weak, alcohol to make us strong, and friends to pick us up when the first two makes us hit the floor.
The ONLY people you need in your life, are the ones who prove that they need you in theirs.
Hearts don't really break, nobody gets to break a heart. And no one can, cause hearts, after the wildest storms, survive, and will always stay intact. When you feel pain in the region of your heart, Its not the heart thats breaking. Something else does. Its faith...and you'll slowly stop believing...
OK! Time to BLOG.
Last week was preeeeetty... UP and DOWN.
What happened?
I had my Navigation exercise at Lim Chu Kang...can't say what we really did...just that...i lost my watch...no biggie to some i guess...but it means alot to me.
Why?
I had it since i was in seconday 2...it lasted me all the way till now...and it was with me during BMT too...sigh... a gift from someone who's SUPER incredible. And still is. My Baby G... ARG!
Next, after a super tiring day, we all finally rested...and then at 4 a.m, at that ungodly hour, we were turned out. Initially, some of us thought it was just a fire alarm, especially since they mentioned smth abt there being a fire drill soon. So when the siren rang and the banging of doors began, we just stumbled outta our beds one by one. All we kept hearing was, "fall in with whatever you're wearing now!"
I sneaked a smile to my buddy and just skipped my way down. Only when i saw the rest in long 4 did i know whats gonna happen. TURN OUT! Basically its an...exercise, where we have to do whatever is told. So up and down we went, anytime something is not done up to scratch, we were given like 5 mins to get it done and all... like a bunch of rats we scurried up and down the stairs. Finally, when all was ready, we moved out.
Heaving our friggin heavy Alice Packs, we literally ran to keep up with the pace. On and on we went, with no idea where we were heading. When we made a turn into this off track road, i was like, no no no. If we're gonna head out for a field camp now i'm SOOO dead. Lucky for me, its actually to head back to our company line. Just tt...haha...we were given a "casualty" to carry on top of all the things that we already had... it was crazy. Really. But having gone thru it... its not that bad i guess. At the end of it all, we were presented with the "BAT" logo, which symbolizes 1st Military Intelligence Battalion, FIRST IN! Almost teared, coz it means that we're finally accepted, and the logo, was that mark and recognition.
Booked out on wed, rushed down all the way to camp, as in, Adam Khoo kinda camp. Yeah. It was a camp for Ru Lang Primary 5 students. Bumped into Shirleen, a friend i met like...3 years ago thru dance? Haha... Hui Shan's senior... no wonder Hui Shan kept calling me in the middle of the camp. Was a nice surprise to bump into a familiar face after so long. The camp was great coz...well...my kids were simply adorable. After the camp ended, headed back to Ru Lang and gave Fion a call since she was teaching there! Oh yeah, congrats to Shirleen, heard u're getting married soon! Incredible. She's only 22 can. ARG.
Finally left campsite on Friday ard 5+ and headed down to town. Imagine, bringing all my smelly clothes and two bags. Zzz...met Jie and Fagan at Jurong East before heading to Wheelock to meet Terence, Eric and their friends. Celebrated Eric's birthday there at Big O. Pretty funny, coz the last time Jie, Fagan and i met up, abt one year ago, it was there too! Eric and gang went to Zouk. Probably would've joined them but i've got a movie to catch with Jie, Fagan and Jie's friend Natalie. What happens in Vegas was sooo...awww...the past few shows that i've caught so far are wonderful can...like Drillbit Taylor and Made of honour. Hmmm...turns out that Janice and Shan also wen Zouk and bumped into Terence and Eric...tsk tsk.... headed back, met Tong, Cheryl and Raine. Stayed over at my place...
Left my house at ard 3+ after they woke up...headed down to kallang...supposedly i was late so meeting shan only, but turns out, EVERYONE was late and the birthday gal was the only one there when i reached. GOSH.
Shu lay ah...stunningly gorgeous as always, plus with her air stewardess aura, WOOO! We were just talking wen i realized this WOMAN standing at the side. Haha...MS TEO HUI SHAN. A short while later, Amy and Janice came too. Win le...wanna go ice-skating still wear skirt. Haha...made our way down to Kallang Leisure park...its been like...5 yrs since i last skated? Well...it was nice though...fell once...but it was smooth...like as if nth happened and i got up right away. =)
All of us fell save for Amy and Janice. Thank goodness Janice din, otherwise it would've been unthinkable. Haha... Jasmine, Seng Kwang, Bee Yan, Adeline and Pei Fen met us after we were done with ice-skating. Had Youghurt at this cafe and had Shu Lay's cake. Weird eh, dessert b4 dinner. -_-'''. But it was nice...like...almost everyone was here and all WITHOUT their partners...they way i'd rather it be...like...just us who've been thru poly together...Jeannie met us at the coffeeshop where we had our dinner...not bad...1st time i had Ayam Fish Head...went to have Rocher beancurd after tat...finally...full...haha...headed home and knocked out at the com table till this morning...super tired...legs blistered and aching from skating.
SHU LAY!
Happy birthday! Your joy means everything to us! Haha...and thanks for the cap, love it!. Bee yan, thanks for the comb (i hope i can use it soon)!
Now...in a few moments time, i'll be booking in...tomorrow marks another start in my army life. Gonna go for my Recce Commander Course. In short...my backs gonna break and i'll be in the jungle like most of the duration of this 2 mth course.
Life's been good...i guess... she's moved on with someone else... about time i closed that chapter of my life, and grasp whats mine.
I'm at peace now, because you are happy, and thats what matters.
10:47 AM
Friday, May 09, 2008
No matter how hard we deny it, we all want to be loved more than we love. I never believed love could ever be shared equally because one party or the other always ends up giving more.
Yup yup. Awesome truth.
Its fun being a strong person. You feel invincible, like you can face anything that comes your way. But you know what sucks? Its when people know you're strong and they think that it's ok to hurt you.
Especially if its your close friends.
Have you ever noticed that the more special you treat someone, the more that someone takes you for granted? Its like they won't ever change.
Guess they'll only live to regret later on in life...when its usually too late.
Some lessons are best learnt through pain. Sometimes, our tears only clear after our eyes are washed by tears. Sometimes, we just have to be broken so we can be whole again. If God meant the day to be perfect, He would not have created tomorrow. So don't worry if today wasn't perfect, because there's still tomorrow. And if there's anything in your heart that feels right, Go after it no matter what.
Always another tmw...love whats been written.
No matter how hard we try to hide it,we all want to be the ones to leave instead of being left behind. The ones who leave forget more easily and get on with their lives faster. I guess the ones who are left behind have only two choices. To run after the person who left them, or wait until they come back.
Something nobody wishes to go through... Sometimes, you just have to pretend to be happy to stop everyone from asking what's happened.
LOL! DA BOMB!
9:32 PM
Monday, May 05, 2008
"Love isn't the rush of infatuation. that's how infatuation feels.
It isn't the demanding urges of lust: that is just lust. it isn't fireworks, or nausea, or fainting, or any of the things that i thought it would be.
It is a feeling that gently creeps its way around your body, and whispers in your ears, and tickles your back between your shoulder blades, and traces its finger across your palms, gently whispering the whole time until you just can't ignore it anymore:
"You love her"
It's a feeling that doesn't announce itself with trumpets or fanfare, it just nudges your lips into a smile, and that smile refuses to fade for a whole minute. it isn't all that time consuming, not every second of every minute of everyday. but it's often, and it's random, and it emerges like a plane trailing a banner across your mind, emblazoned with those words "you love her"
It's the tiny conversation with her that fizzes and sparkles constantly in the back of your head, about everything you see, and the need to share it all with her, and hear what she thinks. you want her to see what you see.
So i learned that love is not an explosion of drama. it idles up gently, and settles down beside you. and you may not even realise until you glance around and see it sitting back, comfortable and relaxed, as if it had been there all along."
Picked it up from a friend's recent post. =)
Headed back to TP for lunch with miss fionehneh. Haha...twas great...at design entrance, bumped into Yi Jie talking to a freshie. For a moment i thought she was rae rae and smiled to her as i chatted with him...turns out, yeah, a freshie. -_-'''.
Had lunch at design...din have much of an appetite...heard abt what she knew during D&D. Yeah... apparantly its been said that i was there and asked Jac to come out to meet me and all... i dunno... once again, my side of the story remains with me... and only those closest to me will know what happened... just to clear things up a lil. I was NOT waiting outside, in fact, i was IN camp. Yup. And i had no idea how'd Tom hear abt anything when i merely asked for Gideon's number. Rumors. Hate em.
Met Val after that to do a lil grocery shopping...felt like such an uncle, walking back to TP while carrying a Prime shopping bag is so not glam. Wanted to go for a massage but the guy was not ard...weird eh...since it wasn't even 6. Oh well...walked back home...along the way...saw a Pasar Malam...thought of the days when we'd savour all the nonsense food... and the time when you bought those plastic shoes. Memories.
Well...thats how i spent a day off...funny how when we were still together, whenever i'm off or having a break from army, when i wanted to spend it with her, she'd be busy. Now that we're not together anymore, obviously its outta the question. Well...ladies...here's a pointer if you're attached to an NS man. IF he has any free time, DO DO DO spend it with him? Really. It means the world to him, and it really shows that you've placed him before yourself.
Be it just watching him rest, spending the weekends lazing ard just doing nth or even following him out when he's with all the guys, he'll see, what you're doing for him. Maybe he just doesn't show that he does...but inside, every guy, wants to be loved. Hey, take it from me aite. I felt that way. =)
ANYWAY. MISS CHEWY. STOP BEING SAD.
4:55 PM
Tragically Beautiful - Elixir of Immortality says: nothing is too hard to let go, too hard to cope with Tragically Beautiful - Elixir of Immortality says: what's difficult are the choices you have to make Tragically Beautiful - Elixir of Immortality says: life still goes on
Thanks netta.
Oh...and some words of wisdom from a loooong lost friend...haha...she's back visiting Singapore!
You change for two reasons. Either you've learned enough that you WANT to, Or you've been hurt enough that you HAVE to.
And another.
Smile: It makes a world of difference.
Dance: Who knows when you'll be able to again?
Cry: Holding in those emotions is bad for you.
Kiss: Its one of the most wonderful things in the world.
Laugh: Whats the point in hiding happiness?
Frown: Why not let them know you're unhappy?
Apologize: You don't wanna lose friends.
Hug: There's no better feeling being wrapped up close to someone you love.
Live: Because life is everything.
AND yet another.
Never hate the times in life where you have fallen or failed. Though hard to accept, these are the times wherein we stand back up and show the world that failures don't define us...but its what makes us stronger!
Enuff of that. A lil update...had a smashing good time with the guys, heading down to minds, catching Iron Man and Nim's Island. Ha...
Ever faced the sea just as a thunderstorm approaches? Hmmm...did just tat. Its something really extraordinary. Check it out if you could. Lightening buzzing all around, waves crashing against the breakwater, sending sea sprays up. Awesome.
I miss you.
3:02 AM
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Its been awhile since i've been this happy, this carefree. Met up with them (poly clique) and headed down to Dhoby Ghaut. Was late by 30 mins...buuuut...MS GOH SHU LAY. S.I.A Air Stewardess-to-be was late by more than an HOUR! Lol. We wanted to meet at Orchard but decided to make her alight at Orchard and then take the train down to Dhoby Ghaut. There, checked the available slots at PS GV. Hmmm...no good timings...went down to the Cathey instead. Got the tix for 10 of us and then had dinner...It was another outlet of the exact same Jap restaurant at Tampines swimming complex. Memories of that place...Sat separated coz of a lack of tables. Sooo...Jan, her bf, Shan and Lay were together, while i sat with SK, Jeanie and her gal. Shared lots of laughters together with em, especially when Jan "lost" her handbag. =) Hung ard, met Amy and Wenna at Ben & Jerry's.
Hung ard waiting for the movie to start...did a lil catching up along the way...well...as for that someone...i guess you're in good hands...i mean...well...seeing that you're happy...those pictures speak a thousand words.
The movie was great...3 main female leads PLUS the lil gal who's the daughter of the main lead.
In short, a man who had 3 roller-coaster like relationships with 3 women at different times of his life. All of them flopped apparently, living him with a daughter. By the end of the show, his daughter helps him see what he's been looking for from the start, and thats actually someone who really gave up everything for him. Something along the line i guess...i mean...the show to me was pretty intense.
I was really drawn to the plot, trying to figure out like how his daughter did in the movie, who her mum was amongst the three women.
It was her inquisitiveness that along the way, led her father to discover, that all the while, someone has been waiting for him.
As the movie suggests...its DEFINITELY never too late to go back, and MAYBE even possible to find a happy ending.
Not a tear jerker, but one that warms the heart.
Had tao huey for supper with the gang b4 heading back...
=)
Well, here's to happy endings!
7:45 PM
Friday, March 28, 2008
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Jason Tan. Male. A true-blue Singaporean. Oldest son. 07.12.1987. Thai-Chinese.
