Finding peace again.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Have been appearing offline.
I'm sorry.
Just din have the heart to really talk to anyone.

Flying off to Taiwan tonight.
Lotsa things on my mind.
If i'm not back, well...

Just wanna say thank you all.

Thank you for the love and joy that i've been able to experience through knowing all of you.

As we age and mature, we learn to make decisions that sometimes we may not want to make.
Ultimately, the choice is still ours.
We bear the consequences, and most times, they last forever.

The hurt, the pain, the longing.
I know i'm not alone on this though.
Have seen and visited countless blogs.
Some from close ones, others belonging to friends of friends.

In the end, all we just wanna be, is happy.

I wish you all the best my friends, and you my dear reader.

Till the day i'm back, stay safe, stay sane, and stay the same.

Lotsa love,


David Cook - Always be my baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be a part of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby

2:37 PM

Monday, August 11, 2008

SAT 2nd Aug
Sentosa- Beach with the guys!

Shan's house- Zi Char style dinner with the clique

ZOUK- Velvet for jeanie's event as a surprise for jan, followed by Wine Bar followed by Zouk and theeeen Phuture at last.

SUN 3rd Aug
Church- Played for band
Fort Canning- SINGFEST!!!

FRI 8th Aug
Phuture- Eric's Nation's countdown PARTY. Pun intended.

SAT 9th Aug
MOS- Khung Lin wasn't happy with fri, so we went to MOS under a guest list.

Looks like...
FRI = Hang out (movie, supper, club/bar, etc, etc, etc...)
SAT = Sentosa (beachvolley, movie, supper, etc, etc, etc...)
SUN = Church/Rest (self-explantory)

A dear friend mentioned that it was typical of guys (ESP NS MEN) to go clubbing.
I don't disagree.

Btw...came across a book by Neil Strauss titled, The Game.
Its a direct contrary to the book I kissed dating goodbye.
Read both and you'll understand why.

Oh and...Tuesdays with Morrie kinda sums things up.

12:53 AM

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Sometimes...i wonder...
What am i to you?
Do you see me when i'm there?
Do you think of me when i'm no longer around?

Awkward silences...sometimes we don't talk...we don't keep on touch...
When we do, its like things are back to normal again...

I keep running away from these feelings...
Seeking solace in books and music.
Have you ever wondered what you've done to me?

I keep myself busy...
I wish not to think.
As long as i'm reminded of those times...
I just wanna look away.
I don't want those tears to come again.

Well...maybe soon, i can be smiling like i used to in those pics that i'm looking at now.

Listen to the music of my heartbeat.
Budum budum dum.

2:04 AM

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Tues- Gastric
Wed- Flu
Thurs- Fever

Thurs night while have guard duty rest, woken up by Sean, my dear BSLC buddy.

Sean to a blurry eyed me: EH! Why you not happy to see me!
Me: Huuuuuhh (drags my words)...haiyo...okok... (climbs outta the double decker bed)
Sean: You should be happy man! WAH LAO!
Me: Wake up first thing see you this black thing...nightmare sia...(yawns).
Sean: NBCCB.

Can't believe i'm having gastric...i mean...i eat like virtually non-stop. Especially wen i'm out in the jungle...i dun mind all those army food how can i get gastric???

Totally absurb.


Seems like i'm missing out on the trip to Taiwan as i'll be on course.
But well...8-5 most weekdays from Aug-Sept.
That means i'm gonna be QUITE free.

Oh yeah...talked to two of the regulars from my unit...realised they're from TP as well...lotsa friends in common man. Haha...small world indeed...

Pretty contended with life...other than...the small lil pressures here and there...but after i think about what i wanna do with MY life, i guess, i shouldn't be affected...

It could happen to ready?

12:52 AM

Sunday, July 06, 2008

The journey was long,
Weather was humid.
Departure was delayed,
Hearts filled with anticipation.

Anxious and calm,
A mixture of both.
Into the madness,
There I went.

Packs on,
Ready to go.
Lept off on command,
Ready to hit and roll.

Night and day became a blur.
Silence fills the emptiness of the night.
Tension so thick with every sudden sound.
Cursing and swearing becomes another noun.

Right seems wrong and wrong seems right.
One wrong move and its all messed up.

Mentally blank.

I realised there and then.
That I was never alone.
Memories that I've had kept me alive kept me going.

Each step a pleasure,
Each move a joy.
Every success one step closer,
Every nightfall equivalent to one day lesser.

My friend what you've given me no one can take away.
No enemy no foe,
Its too sacred,
They be damned.

I smiled to myself,
I teared in the dark.
I let my mind drift off to recapture the days we've shared.

When I kneel down,
I think not of the pain that I feel,
But of how I'm gonna tell you,
Its YOU that makes this worth a whole deal.

On the brink of exhaustion,
Throat parched and tongue heavy,
I lifted my head still and defied them all.

So near yet so far,
They pushed us.
I want to be free.

I was never alone.
I never was my friend.
You kept me company.
You didn't even have to be there.

The simple fact is...
That you're my friend, and you never left me to be alone.

This entry is for you my friend.
Simple as it may be...but as the cliche saying goes...words can never express how I feel.

Stay who you are my friend.

With all the love,appreciation,thanks,kisses and hugs I can ever give,


3:33 AM

Its finally over...the nonsense, the sufferings, the non-stop field camps...
Being away from so many loved ones, really leaves u feeling numb, but at the same time, it pushes one on.

Its the memories of those that i love, that held me together, that forced me to endure.
I went through all of this, simply for in...its worth nothing, unless if it makes them happy.
You know what i mean.

I can't go into the specifics over here as to how my past 6 weeks have been like...have still got another 2 more weeks to go anyway.
I've got my jungle hat now though...and i'm seriously considering using "Yuan Yuan" as my nick.
Coz thats what my guys call me...smth close to the heart i guess...its like only those who've been on this mad ride with me call me in such a manner.

This whole year is dedicated to training in a way. After this RCC ( Recce Commander Course ), i'll be on Bike course followed by the Platoon Sgt course. Time is surely gonna pass uber fast.

Thinking abt it, even my b'day will go by, and i'll be 21...haha...getting old...
Gotta celebrate it early since i won't be around on the actual period. Arg...can't get to celebrate with my other "twin" Jeanie and the clique!

After not blogging for so long...i just wanna say...

Thank you.
I'm referring to you my damn friends.
Thank you for sticking with me and making me smile, making me laugh, making me tear and simply just...being who you are.
Next to God and my family, its you guys and gals who kept me going...

Its been really tough after what happened...but people filled up the void that was in me and true enough, as time passes...yeah, you get the gist.

For now, i just wanna hang on tight to everyone of you damn fellows coz i'll never know whats gonna happen next.


3:15 AM

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Just wanna show smth sent from a friend.

There are only 3 things we need in life.
Love to make us weak, alcohol to make us strong, and friends to pick us up when the first two makes us hit the floor.

The ONLY people you need in your life, are the ones who prove that they need you in theirs.

Hearts don't really break, nobody gets to break a heart.
And no one can, cause hearts, after the wildest storms, survive, and will always stay intact.
When you feel pain in the region of your heart,
Its not the heart thats breaking.
Something else does.
Its faith...and you'll slowly stop believing...

OK! Time to BLOG.

Last week was preeeeetty... UP and DOWN.

What happened?

I had my Navigation exercise at Lim Chu Kang...can't say what we really did...just that...i lost my biggie to some i guess...but it means alot to me.


I had it since i was in seconday lasted me all the way till now...and it was with me during BMT too...sigh... a gift from someone who's SUPER incredible. And still is. My Baby G... ARG!

Next, after a super tiring day, we all finally rested...and then at 4 a.m, at that ungodly hour, we were turned out. Initially, some of us thought it was just a fire alarm, especially since they mentioned smth abt there being a fire drill soon. So when the siren rang and the banging of doors began, we just stumbled outta our beds one by one. All we kept hearing was, "fall in with whatever you're wearing now!"

I sneaked a smile to my buddy and just skipped my way down. Only when i saw the rest in long 4 did i know whats gonna happen. TURN OUT!
Basically its an...exercise, where we have to do whatever is told. So up and down we went, anytime something is not done up to scratch, we were given like 5 mins to get it done and all... like a bunch of rats we scurried up and down the stairs. Finally, when all was ready, we moved out.

Heaving our friggin heavy Alice Packs, we literally ran to keep up with the pace. On and on we went, with no idea where we were heading. When we made a turn into this off track road, i was like, no no no. If we're gonna head out for a field camp now i'm SOOO dead. Lucky for me, its actually to head back to our company line. Just tt...haha...we were given a "casualty" to carry on top of all the things that we already had... it was crazy. Really. But having gone thru it... its not that bad i guess. At the end of it all, we were presented with the "BAT" logo, which symbolizes 1st Military Intelligence Battalion, FIRST IN! Almost teared, coz it means that we're finally accepted, and the logo, was that mark and recognition.

Booked out on wed, rushed down all the way to camp, as in, Adam Khoo kinda camp. Yeah. It was a camp for Ru Lang Primary 5 students. Bumped into Shirleen, a friend i met like...3 years ago thru dance? Haha... Hui Shan's senior... no wonder Hui Shan kept calling me in the middle of the camp. Was a nice surprise to bump into a familiar face after so long. The camp was great kids were simply adorable. After the camp ended, headed back to Ru Lang and gave Fion a call since she was teaching there! Oh yeah, congrats to Shirleen, heard u're getting married soon! Incredible. She's only 22 can. ARG.

Finally left campsite on Friday ard 5+ and headed down to town. Imagine, bringing all my smelly clothes and two bags. Zzz...met Jie and Fagan at Jurong East before heading to Wheelock to meet Terence, Eric and their friends. Celebrated Eric's birthday there at Big O. Pretty funny, coz the last time Jie, Fagan and i met up, abt one year ago, it was there too! Eric and gang went to Zouk. Probably would've joined them but i've got a movie to catch with Jie, Fagan and Jie's friend Natalie. What happens in Vegas was sooo...awww...the past few shows that i've caught so far are wonderful Drillbit Taylor and Made of honour. Hmmm...turns out that Janice and Shan also wen Zouk and bumped into Terence and Eric...tsk tsk.... headed back, met Tong, Cheryl and Raine. Stayed over at my place...

Left my house at ard 3+ after they woke up...headed down to kallang...supposedly i was late so meeting shan only, but turns out, EVERYONE was late and the birthday gal was the only one there when i reached. GOSH.

Shu lay ah...stunningly gorgeous as always, plus with her air stewardess aura, WOOO!
We were just talking wen i realized this WOMAN standing at the side. Haha...MS TEO HUI SHAN. A short while later, Amy and Janice came too. Win le...wanna go ice-skating still wear skirt. Haha...made our way down to Kallang Leisure park...its been like...5 yrs since i last skated? was nice though...fell once...but it was as if nth happened and i got up right away. =)

All of us fell save for Amy and Janice. Thank goodness Janice din, otherwise it would've been unthinkable. Haha... Jasmine, Seng Kwang, Bee Yan, Adeline and Pei Fen met us after we were done with ice-skating. Had Youghurt at this cafe and had Shu Lay's cake. Weird eh, dessert b4 dinner. -_-'''. But it was everyone was here and all WITHOUT their partners...they way i'd rather it us who've been thru poly together...Jeannie met us at the coffeeshop where we had our dinner...not bad...1st time i had Ayam Fish Head...went to have Rocher beancurd after tat...finally...full...haha...headed home and knocked out at the com table till this morning...super tired...legs blistered and aching from skating.


Happy birthday!
Your joy means everything to us!
Haha...and thanks for the cap, love it!.
Bee yan, thanks for the comb (i hope i can use it soon)! a few moments time, i'll be booking in...tomorrow marks another start in my army life. Gonna go for my Recce Commander Course. In backs gonna break and i'll be in the jungle like most of the duration of this 2 mth course.

Life's been good...i guess... she's moved on with someone else... about time i closed that chapter of my life, and grasp whats mine.

I'm at peace now, because you are happy, and thats what matters.

10:47 AM

Friday, May 09, 2008

No matter how hard we deny it, we all want to be loved more than we love. I never believed love could ever be shared equally because one party or the other always ends up giving more.

Yup yup. Awesome truth.

Its fun being a strong person.
You feel invincible, like you can face anything that comes your way.
But you know what sucks?
Its when people know you're strong and they think that it's ok to hurt you.

Especially if its your close friends.

Have you ever noticed that the more special you treat someone, the more that someone takes you for granted?
Its like they won't ever change.

Guess they'll only live to regret later on in life...when its usually too late.

Some lessons are best learnt through pain.
Sometimes, our tears only clear after our eyes are washed by tears.
Sometimes, we just have to be broken so we can be whole again.
If God meant the day to be perfect, He would not have created tomorrow.
So don't worry if today wasn't perfect, because there's still tomorrow.
And if there's anything in your heart that feels right,
Go after it no matter what.

Always another whats been written.

No matter how hard we try to hide it,we all want to be the ones to leave instead of being left behind.
The ones who leave forget more easily and get on with their lives faster.
I guess the ones who are left behind have only two choices.
To run after the person who left them, or wait until they come back.

Something nobody wishes to go through...

Sometimes, you just have to pretend to be happy to stop everyone from asking what's happened.


9:32 PM

Monday, May 05, 2008

"Love isn't the rush of infatuation. that's how infatuation feels.

It isn't the demanding urges of lust: that is just lust. it isn't fireworks, or nausea, or fainting, or any of the things that i thought it would be.

It is a feeling that gently creeps its way around your body, and whispers in your ears, and tickles your back between your shoulder blades, and traces its finger across your palms, gently whispering the whole time until you just can't ignore it anymore:

"You love her"

It's a feeling that doesn't announce itself with trumpets or fanfare, it just nudges your lips into a smile, and that smile refuses to fade for a whole minute. it isn't all that time consuming, not every second of every minute of everyday. but it's often, and it's random, and it emerges like a plane trailing a banner across your mind, emblazoned with those words "you love her"

It's the tiny conversation with her that fizzes and sparkles constantly in the back of your head, about everything you see, and the need to share it all with her, and hear what she thinks. you want her to see what you see.

So i learned that love is not an explosion of drama. it idles up gently, and settles down beside you. and you may not even realise until you glance around and see it sitting back, comfortable and relaxed, as if it had been there all along."

Picked it up from a friend's recent post.

Headed back to TP for lunch with miss fionehneh. Haha...twas design entrance, bumped into Yi Jie talking to a freshie. For a moment i thought she was rae rae and smiled to her as i chatted with him...turns out, yeah, a freshie. -_-'''.

Had lunch at design...din have much of an appetite...heard abt what she knew during D&D. Yeah... apparantly its been said that i was there and asked Jac to come out to meet me and all... i dunno... once again, my side of the story remains with me... and only those closest to me will know what happened... just to clear things up a lil. I was NOT waiting outside, in fact, i was IN camp. Yup. And i had no idea how'd Tom hear abt anything when i merely asked for Gideon's number. Rumors. Hate em.

Met Val after that to do a lil grocery shopping...felt like such an uncle, walking back to TP while carrying a Prime shopping bag is so not glam.
Wanted to go for a massage but the guy was not ard...weird eh...since it wasn't even 6. Oh well...walked back home...along the way...saw a Pasar Malam...thought of the days when we'd savour all the nonsense food... and the time when you bought those plastic shoes. Memories.

Well...thats how i spent a day off...funny how when we were still together, whenever i'm off or having a break from army, when i wanted to spend it with her, she'd be busy. Now that we're not together anymore, obviously its outta the question.'s a pointer if you're attached to an NS man. IF he has any free time, DO DO DO spend it with him? Really. It means the world to him, and it really shows that you've placed him before yourself.

Be it just watching him rest, spending the weekends lazing ard just doing nth or even following him out when he's with all the guys, he'll see, what you're doing for him. Maybe he just doesn't show that he does...but inside, every guy, wants to be loved. Hey, take it from me aite. I felt that way. =)


4:55 PM

Tragically Beautiful - Elixir of Immortality says:
nothing is too hard to let go, too hard to cope with
Tragically Beautiful - Elixir of Immortality says:
what's difficult are the choices you have to make
Tragically Beautiful - Elixir of Immortality says:
life still goes on

Thanks netta.

Oh...and some words of wisdom from a loooong lost friend...haha...she's back visiting Singapore!

You change for two reasons.
Either you've learned enough that you WANT to,
Or you've been hurt enough that you HAVE to.

And another.

Smile: It makes a world of difference.

Dance: Who knows when you'll be able to again?

Cry: Holding in those emotions is bad for you.

Kiss: Its one of the most wonderful things in the world.

Laugh: Whats the point in hiding happiness?

Frown: Why not let them know you're unhappy?

Apologize: You don't wanna lose friends.

Hug: There's no better feeling being wrapped up close to someone you love.

Live: Because life is everything.

AND yet another.

Never hate the times in life where you have fallen or failed. Though hard to accept, these are the times wherein we stand back up and show the world that failures don't define us...but its what makes us stronger!

Enuff of that.
A lil update...had a smashing good time with the guys, heading down to minds, catching Iron Man and Nim's Island. Ha...

Ever faced the sea just as a thunderstorm approaches?
Hmmm...did just tat.
Its something really extraordinary.
Check it out if you could.
Lightening buzzing all around, waves crashing against the breakwater, sending sea sprays up.

I miss you.

3:02 AM

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Its been awhile since i've been this happy, this carefree.
Met up with them (poly clique) and headed down to Dhoby Ghaut. Was late by 30 mins...buuuut...MS GOH SHU LAY. S.I.A Air Stewardess-to-be was late by more than an HOUR!
We wanted to meet at Orchard but decided to make her alight at Orchard and then take the train down to Dhoby Ghaut. There, checked the available slots at PS GV. good timings...went down to the Cathey instead. Got the tix for 10 of us and then had dinner...It was another outlet of the exact same Jap restaurant at Tampines swimming complex. Memories of that place...Sat separated coz of a lack of tables. Sooo...Jan, her bf, Shan and Lay were together, while i sat with SK, Jeanie and her gal. Shared lots of laughters together with em, especially when Jan "lost" her handbag. =)
Hung ard, met Amy and Wenna at Ben & Jerry's.

Hung ard waiting for the movie to start...did a lil catching up along the for that someone...i guess you're in good hands...i mean...well...seeing that you're happy...those pictures speak a thousand words.

The movie was great...3 main female leads PLUS the lil gal who's the daughter of the main lead.

In short, a man who had 3 roller-coaster like relationships with 3 women at different times of his life. All of them flopped apparently, living him with a daughter. By the end of the show, his daughter helps him see what he's been looking for from the start, and thats actually someone who really gave up everything for him. Something along the line i guess...i mean...the show to me was pretty intense.

I was really drawn to the plot, trying to figure out like how his daughter did in the movie, who her mum was amongst the three women.

It was her inquisitiveness that along the way, led her father to discover, that all the while, someone has been waiting for him.

As the movie suggests...its DEFINITELY never too late to go back, and MAYBE even possible to find a happy ending.

Not a tear jerker, but one that warms the heart.

Had tao huey for supper with the gang b4 heading back...


Well, here's to happy endings!

7:45 PM

Friday, March 28, 2008

9:00 PM

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

You could be happy and i won't know
But you weren't happy the day i watched you go.

And all the things that i wish i had not said,
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head.

is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not our last days of silent screaming blur.

Most of what i remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.

You could be happy i hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything i own, smells of you
and for the tiniest moment it's all not true.

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think just do

More than anything i want to see you girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

4:55 PM

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I'm broken. Yup.
Your reply to me...really left me there.

Mum was right...
If my love was really sincere, she'll feel it.
I was sincere, but not enough.
She's seen the way i treated you.
She said, its retribution, that she had seen it coming.
Not that we believe in retribution on karma...just that...
The way i've been treating you, one day, things will turn out this way for me.

Looking at how i've hurt you, avoided you, insulted you...
You're right.
To trust someone else than me, who's been causing you pain all this while.
You don't have to go through it ever again.

Guess i didn't manage to convince you that i'm different now.
Neither will you wanna stick around to find you said...6mths later? 2 years later?
Why should you go through it again?

You're right...i just wanted...really take care of be that 1st and last.
My fairytale.

Your busy timetable, social life...leaves no more space for me.

Who i was wasn't what you wanted...but neither will who i am now ever stand a chance.

I waited...and i still will.
Time will help determine, who's right.

I'm stubborn.

You left me for that was what you hated about me.

For now, i'll just carry on listening to our songs...those songs that brought us together and now, they'll accompany me.

I miss you Jac.

3:12 PM

Hey i rant again. =)

I wonder...what could it be, that could make you...make someone who you once called yours, wait out there while you handled a phone call. Was it so important that you couldn't let him just enter and wait? Alright, you mentioned that it was something impt and urgent...but still...was it necessary?

You claimed that you needed to study.
Did you?
All he asks, is just to be near you.
Not to do anything even...just to be where you are.
He was in your room yesterday, but it was empty.
You weren't around.
You told him that you had an interview to go for, and after that, you needed to study.
Fair enough...

Yet when he went over, where were you?
Hoping to cheer you up, to bring a lil surprise to sustain you through the night, thats all he wanted to do.
Instead, you shouted at him.
You told him to get out.
Because you hated it when someone invaded your privacy.
It was the same before he knew you, when he knew you, and after he left you.

Whats there so precious, that you had to keep to yourself?
In the past, when he looked, he found out that you were lying to him...
Yet, you still blamed him for looking.
Both were wrong.
Was it necessary?

Why'd you have to hide, tell him half truths, lead him on?
His life was in your hands so to say.
He wanted to settle down with you in future.
Did you feel the same?

After he left, how have you been?
Did you think of him?
Did you realise that he's in misery?

The periods of loneliness tore him apart, and they still do.
There he was, stuck and unable to reach out to you.
Yet...where were you? suffered much pain as well...but didn't you carry on?

He's selfish to say that you're happy...who shouldn't be?
But when you moved on...didn't you know the damage you did along the way?

He misses you.
Everytime he's out, he just hopes to see you again.
To spend his free time with you.

In the past, when you both were studying, it was he who was busy.
When you were with him, and he was in army, you were busy.
Now, that you're both apart, your life totally excluded him.
Imagine him without you.
He was lost, confused, afraid.
He still is.
He cries alone at night.

Before he left yesteday, he broke down in front of your brother.
He didn't want to, but he couldn't hold his tears.
The way you spoke to him.
After all...he merely wanted to see you.

As he walked away, listening to the songs you left in his mp3, a gift from you, He thought about the past you both shared.
Every song, every moment and every step along the way, he's shared with you before.
Even as he types this down, he's tearing.
Ask him then.
Why doesn't he give up?
He said he would.
That you're not the one.
But along the way, he realised, that he too, hasn't been doing his part.

He kept asking for chances, to prove that he'd change...
He didn't in the end, thats why you're gone.
Now he's asking again.

Answer me please,
For I am that "he" that has been mentioned.
Let me hear from you again Jac.

10:43 AM

Saturday, February 23, 2008

8:54 PM

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Not a day goes by that I don't need you in my life
Was it something that I did, tell me why
And I can't get pass the pain to your love is just a memory
Gradually, you slip away And all I can say is stay

Can somebody please, stop this hurt inside
Although, your love for me has changed
After all the pain you've cost I still can't get you outta my mind
No matter what you say I can't let go...

As time goes by, will our memories fade
Tell me how can you go on after all that we've been through
I don't wanna go on without you in my life
Because in my heart I still believe that you...
Will come back to me

I'm begging you please...
Stop this hurt inside although your love for me has changed
After all the pain you've cost I still can't get you outta my mind
No matter what you say I can't let go...

As time goes by, will our memories fade
Tell me how can you go on after all that we've been through
I don't wanna go on without you in my life
Because in my heart I still believe that you

Do I ever cross your mind
Did you even stop to cry?
In my heart you'll always stay,
Don't let us slip away
Though I've tried I can't let go you're still the one for me
We can work it out in your love I still believe
You are the one

As time goes by won't let our memories fade
Tell me how can you go on after all that we've been thru
I won't let you go on without me in your life
Because in my heart we're meant to be in love
As Time Goes By

3:12 PM

You know who you are.
It didn't have to end this way.
After so long.
There're so many things we've not done together...
Thank you.
For what you've given me, for the tears you shed, for the times you've spent alone.
You tolerated who I was.
I don't wish to be paranoid.
I swear.
But look at our past.
Its filled with more downs than ups.
Maybe its me, maybe its you, or...
Maybe its just us.
Maybe we love each other too much.
We're too jealous.
I know I am.

2:54 PM

Saturday, August 11, 2007

11:59 AM

Rihanna Hate That I Love You Lyrics
Featuring: Ne-Yo Lyrics

Thats how much as I love you
Thats how much as I need you
And I cant stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for a while? (No....)

You wont let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
So that I cant stay mad at you
For too long thats wrong

But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I dont want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that i adore you

And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...)
I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
But I just cant let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

Said its not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I love you beyond the reason why
And it just aint right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I cant stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just cant let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic wont affect me
And your kiss wont make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

Yeaahhh... Oohh...

Thats how much i love you (as much as I need you)
Thats how much as I need you (oooh..)
Thats how much I love you (oh..)
Thats how much as I need you

And I hate that i love you soooo
And I hate how much i love you boy
I cant stand how much I need ya (cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just cant let you go (but I just cant let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. soo.....

11:55 AM

Monday, August 06, 2007

Got this from Hui Shan's blog.

Don't some of you agree with me that love can be so tiring ? your mind is always occupied, "what is he doing right now ?" ,"Is he thinking of me ?" etc. Sometimes it really gets so tiring that you cannot stand yourself anymore and forces yourself not to care and not to think so much...

Will you be the first to warm my hands?
Will you be the first to know my happiness ?
Will you be the first to know my sadness ?
Do you know when i am angry ?
Do you know when i am hurting ?
Do you know when i am insecure ?
Do you think of me when i am not with you ?
Do you lean on me when you are tired ?
Do you share your troubled mind with me ?
How much do i not know ?
How much am i involved in the life you are leading ?
Am I there when you are busy ?
Will I be the last voice you hear before you sleep?

If i die, will you know these were in my mind the whole time ?
If i die, will you regret that you did not get the last glimpse of me ?


Misunderstandings can be a destructive tool in relationships..
i've come to realised.
one small misunderstanding leads to another and another..
and at the end of all, the small misunderstandings will grow bigger and bigger.
and the end of all will come when you don't stop everything in time.

some pple is waiting to watch us fall.
some thinks it's just a passing phase.
some thinks it will never last.
some thinks it is impossible.
some thinks it will never be.
but i never thought this way.

it will if i believe.
it will if you believe.
it will if we give in our all.
it will if we try our best.
it will when Love exists.

den again,doubts do arise no matter how much i wish to believe in all.
dun ask me why.
Love makes me unreasonable...
Love makes me lose control...
Love makes me over sensitive...
Love makes me selfish...
for everything, it's Love.
and at the end of everything, I will always love you.

2:07 AM

Take a step back.
Listen to songs that have been in your music list a year ago.
Can you still remember what you were doing when those songs just came out?

I was just doing that, and memories just came flooding back.
Started browsing through random friend's profiles.
Really miss those ppl.
Friends really do mean alot to me, for they're the ones i spend my life moments with.

Celebrated Janice's birthday today.
Its amazing how my clique from my year one HTM class lasted till today.

Shu Lay
Seng Kwang
Bee Yan
Hui Shan

Its been lovely knowing you all.

Thanks for being a part of me ppl!

Khung Lin and Janice (the other one from KC)
Was looking thru ur profiles...haha...i still remember those times from Teen Search.

Guess we've all really grown up.

As time passes by, i really wonder...

How's everyone?
Where've you all gone to?
Are you fine?

Lester-kun, Susan, Bryan.
How've you been?


Ah well...

I know i've been pretty uncontactable lately.
I need time...time to do what i need.

Sept 13.

De day i enter into NS.

1 mth and abt 2 weeks more

38 more days.


1:50 AM

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, and then drive away.

But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked.

"Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice.

I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened.
A small woman in her 80's stood before me.

She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase.

The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

"It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated".

"Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice".

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city.

She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now"

We drove in silence to the address she had given me.

It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.

The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I said
"You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.

She held onto me tightly.

"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.

Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.

What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware - beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

You might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on.

Thank you, my friend

Just a lil smth i picked up while browsing thru blogs. Enjoy!

4:27 AM

Thursday, July 26, 2007

List down what you've done thats negative and then postive to a loved one in the past 24 hrs that fit into the alphabetical order!

A- Avoided . Accomodated
B- Bothered . Blessed
C- Confused . Cared
D- Disturbed . Dated
E- Enraged . Embraced
F- Forced . F

Damn. Am boggled down. Can't think anymore.

Get a grip Jason.

12:41 AM

Saturday, July 21, 2007

What Your Latte Says About You

You are very decadent in all aspects of your life. You never scale back, and you always live large.

You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious.

Intense and energetic, you aren't completely happy unless you are bouncing off the walls.

You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it.

You are a child at heart, and you don't ever miss the opportunity to do something playful.

You are exotic and cosmopolitan, but you are never a show off.
What Does Your Latte Say About You?

You Are Middle Class

You work hard for the money you earn, and you usually live a comfortable (although never extravagant) lifestyle.
You are dedicated to making ends meet. Even if it means taking on a second job.
You have the skills and education to earn decent money, but it never seems like enough.
There's a whole lifestyle and culture that seems out of reach to you.

You may end up: A real estate agent, counselor, or dental hygienist.

Other people who share your class: Working professionals who've excelled in their career fields
What Class Are You?

You Are 67% Real

You know who you are, and you're pretty darn comfortable with yourself.
Like everyone, you struggle with the parts of yourself that aren't so great...
But you're good at accepting who you are and not dwelling on your faults.
As a result, you're confident, optimistic, and very real.
How Real Are You?

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 92%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is Very High

You've spent a lot of time introspecting, and it's really paid off.
You are comfortable with who you are, and you have a life philosophy that you are happy to live by.
And you're always re-evaluating what you believe. Because you learn something new about yourself each day!
How Does Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Rate?

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 88%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is Very High

You go beyond being a "people person." Connecting with people is the most important thing in your life.
You're empathetic, friendly, and outgoing. You are the kind of friend people dream of having.
Your interpersonal intelligence is a gift. And you use it well.
How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

2:08 AM

Hey Giddie...hope you're alright...heard from Jac abt what happened...the same thing happened to a close friend of mine a year odd ago too...stitches on upper and lower lips, front teeth half chipped off.

You take care aite?

Anyway...i've been away...just did a camp for Punggol Sec. Update more when i'm less...distracted. Yup...shall just keep doing quizzes!

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP)

Your personality type is reserved, methodical, spirited, and intense.

Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men
You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.
How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Love is Based on Commitment

You believe that love is something that develops and grows.
You don't believe in love at first site, and you never mistake lust for love.
For you, love is about mutual devotion, respect, and understanding.
You don't feel comfortable in a relationship, unless you're both in it for the long run.

Why your love can last: You don't take commitment lightly - or leave relationships easily

Why your love can fail: You're so committed, you often can't see the most obvious problems in your relationship
What Is Your Love Based On?

2:01 AM

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Dear Mr Nakata a.k.a Terence Lim,

I wonder how you are my small eyed friend, now that you away in Tekong, exploring what others before you have done.

Are you fine?
Is your buddy some &*^&*^^^%$%$# fellow?

With Fagan half gone, and now you, in as well, all i can do, is to wish, that the next 7 weeks before its my turn, pass as quickly as well.

Well bro, just wanna let you know that i really appreciate you being there for me, being the OK man and being that blur doofus when i needed someone to just listen.
Thanks for being the middle man between me and Jac. that we're seperated, but at least, i'm glad that you're one of the few (including you FAGAN) who really knew what went on behind the mask that i put on daily...

Was talking to my dad today...random...but wow...i finally found out how he and my mum got together...and what he did in the many things...that i finally realised... God... has really been watching over us... blessing us... if not... we wouldn't even have tided through all this while...

I thank the Lord...for a simple dad, who does his duty as a father to the best of his ability, taking all the nonsense from work and us and still fighting on...

I thank the Lord...for my mum, capable and loving, for bearing with us young ones and working ever so hard, multi-tasking for the ones she love...

I thank the Lord...for my sis, that just like my dad, she's simple, though at times naive, she's the one reason why all the more, I need to be back in church, as she's serving as well...

I thank the Lord...for my bro, that you're being the guy that I can't be, doing well in both academics (as long as you're better than me, doesn't matter if u dun top the class) and cca, serving in NCC, student council and so on... i've always dreamt of all those,yet somehow i never really shined when i was younger...

I thank the Lord...for my friends who stood by me, hearing me out and spending their days with me, filling it with fun, joy, tears and emo-ness...

I thank the Lord...for God-bro/sis ard me...esp those Christian friends from church...your prayers, verses of encouragement, support...these really carried me through...

I thank the Lord...for ppl like Fagan and Terence, buddies who stood by me. The nonsense that we go through, only we know.

I thank the Lord...for each and everyone of you out there that i have yet to mention or have yet to meet... i know, that HE has a special purpose for you...those i've known, have affected my life in their own special way... those i've YET to meet, will do so as well...

Life for me, just keeps getting better...


12:05 AM

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Create your own Friend Test here

4:23 AM

Monday, July 02, 2007

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about the solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was, not surprisingly, a huge failure. Because:
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.[so true]


A pastor died and went to heaven.

When got there, he was given a mansion. A really nice mansion. Nice and big, and very well furnished.

An angel was giving him a tour of heaven, he saw that a taxi driver had a castle.

Turning to the angel he asks, “Why does a taxi driver have a castle while I have only a mansion?”

“Well,” The angel responded. “Tell me. What happened when you preached.”

“People were saved! Well... some people left... and some people... slept... but still! Some people were saved!” the Pastor answered.

The angel shrugged and said, “Yes, when you preached, people slept. But let me tell you, when this guy drove, everyone prayed.”


A woman had a fight with her husband so she ended up walking on the beach, fuming, while her husband was in the city.

As she walked along the shoreline, she noticed something gleaming in the water so she walked over and picked it up.

It was a magical lamp. So she began rubbing it and poof out came the genie.

“I will grant you three wishes.”

The woman smiled, “Ok I want-”

“Wait. I’m just going to let you know. Whatever you wish for, your husband receives double.”

“What?!” the woman screamed. “That is SO NOT FAIR!!!!!”

The genie just shrugged.

The woman thought about it and finally decided. She really needed some things anyway, “I want a million dollars.”


In front of her appeared a million dollars, but somewhere in the city, two million dollars appeared before her husband.

“I also want a mansion.”


Right there on the beach was a nice mansion overlooking the sea, but somewhere in the city, her husband received two mansions.

“Wait, so whatever I wish for, my husband receives double?”

“The genie nodded.”

“Ok then. Genie, I want you to scare me half to death.”


A transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US navy ship and Canadian authorities of the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

Us Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees South to avoid collision.

CND (Canadian) reply: Recommend you diver you course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Us ship: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, diver your course.

CND reply: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.


CND reply: This is a lighthouse, your call.

2:00 PM

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dear all, embeded in this blog is the song, Here with me by Plumb.
I first heard this song when I was 16, after I had retained and I was in Sec 3 for the 2nd time. It was a song that Fagan's band, which is now know as Democracy for Listeners, played. Although DFL was simply doing a cover version, this song held AND still holds many beautiful memories for me.

From when I was a cheeky hormone raging kid to who I am now, I've always been listening to this song. It may seem like some sad love song about a partner that the singer is pining for...its actually in fact, a Christian song.

Ah well. Whichever it is, I hope you'll enjoy it.

In my head I have dreams
I have visions of many things
Questions, longings in my mind

Pictures fill my head
I feel so trapped instead but
Trapped doesn't seem so bad
'Cause You are here


It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me
In my heart I had hope
Built on dreams I'll never know
Answers to love left behind

Visions filled my head
I feel so trapped instead but
Trapped doesn't seem so bad
'Cause You were near

I can't do anything without You
You give me strength to do anything
I can't be everything I try to
You saved me from the everything
I couldn't be

Need You here with me
I need You here with me

1:04 AM

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

"We can ignore all we want, but our history will eventually always comes back to hunt us."

"Sometimes the most important history is the history, we're making today."

Makes sense eh...

Anyway...had a crazy time these few days...sat was spent at Sentosa once more...gosh... wad a male-bonding time!

Vincent, Kai and Fagan, ppl whom i hang out with from TP came. Terence, my sec school buddy came with his SP peeps, like Justin, Eric, Jeremy and Jeremy's gf, Sandy.

Played beach volley and really learnt quite a few stuff...oh was the Rip Curl the beach was packed with ppl...arg...but its alright...found a court to use and found a "base camp".

Wahaha...oh yeah...even Nathan, Fagan's BMT buddy was there was loads of army jargon... and of course...their babe watching... *rolls eyes*.
Ah well...there were quite a few lookers though...

There was this song that Vincent sang with the tune "Hey Sarah Sarah".

It goes smth likeee...

When i was a chao recruit,
I asked my Sergent, what would i be.
Will i have money, or will i be PC,
And he said this to me.

BALLS to you recruit,
This is not your father's army,
Whatever will be will be,
Go drop 20 for me.

When i became a chao cadet,
I saw my sergent, saluting to me.
He said he's sorry, for what he's done to me,
And i said this to him.

BALLS to you sergent,
This is not your father's army,
Whatever will be will be,
Go sign 20 for me. ( that means 20 days of confinement if i'm not wrong )

ANYWAY...i edited some parts coz i ain't too sure of the lyrics. If you have a more updated version, leave me a tag!

After Sentosa, headed to Vivo City for dinner,NEL down to Dhoby Gaut, LAN-CS at Paradize Center and then headed home. Smth comical happened at NEL. I was commenting, lets see which loser wants to help take our grp pic for us. Then this guy helped we were like... stifling our laughters...BEST PART.

Uncle and aunty carrying big bags after shopping at Vivo comes up to him (loser).

Uncle: You want to take picture ah? Come come, we help you take, you go in with them lah!
US: ER... ( All of us literally broke out laughing and then quickly composed ourselves...)
Uncle: Its ok! NVM! I help you take, you go join your friends take picture!

Oh my i wished all Singaporean's were this helpful...but at the RIGHT time. =)

Sunday, worked at Compasspoint selling lenses...pretty much slacked all the way as i was talking to my partners mostly...turns out, one of their friend was working as a Samsung promoter at when she came over, i asked if she knew Jac and Dionne, and true enough, she does!!! Small world...sales was pretty ok...bought mother's day cake home after work!

Monday, did field cooking for Fairfield Methodist, Pri 4. Was kinda late, so took cab the end, was too early...haha...some funny things was...

Canon: Hey, that teacher quite young eh...guess her age?
Me: Hmmm...should be JC grad or NIE attachment loh...
Mei Shi: ( Looks up from her hp ) Where where? (notices the lady) HEY! She's my friend!
Me and Canon: -_-'''

After work, went down to Century Square to check out the roadshow which i will be working at on Wed. Hmmm...sales was pretty ok...waited for Jac b4 we went to TM to do a lil grocery shopping...there goes my waffle crisp ( i can finish a box with a carton of milk for a meal anytime ), Cereal bars, 4 cans of 11.6% beer. Ate dinner at home with Jac...shared 2 cans of beer...yuuuummmyyy...

Tuesday...Woke up, cabbed down to Fairfield for my very LAST field cooking event...gosh...i've taken ALL the P4 classes for field cooking by now, teaching them how to cook maggi mee and eggs...wahahaha...quite an experience...woohoo...after tt, took 14, met Shy Ni, accompanied her while her friends catch Spiderman 3 b4 meeting Terence and heading down to 85 for dinner with Jac, Dionne, Denise and Joy!

Bumped into an AK couple there as well as Canon and his gf...wahaha...all ard us.
During dinner, Terence and i were just bringing up our good ol school days...all the Pokemon, Pro-yo, Digimon, Power Rangers, Captain Planet, Ultraman ( which made him believe that eating eggs will help ), Tamiya so on and so forth...oh yeah...we're both afraid of CHUCKY!!!

Haha...took some pics...will upload em some day.

Thats all for now...working at Century Square selling contact lenses on Wed!

12:37 AM

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Sentosa was GREAT!!!

It was supposed to be a lil mass outing...with abt 10 plus SP ppl and abt 9 plus olympiads as well.
Hmmm... SUPPOSED to the end...haha... NONE came from my side other then my own friends. Wahahaha...but still enuff to have crazy fun.

Fagan, Terence, Eric, Justin, Jac and Dionne were those I knew. Made new acquaintances with Jeremy and his gf...also got to know some new ppl at the beach! Haha...ppl like Alvin (acquainted with fagan and I thru Parkour), Desmond (ex-tp) and Johnson. Those 3 were sec sch friends...and we played beach volley with em...hmmm... Alvin and I will be going in NS on the same day! Different timing though...arg...low chance of being in the same platoon/company.

Played till it was dark...attempted to use the toilet in TAS, but... DANG. It was locked on weekends and even on weekdays, after a certain timing. we went to Palawan to bathe...guess wad happened there?

While I was showering in the open area, I almost fainted. A lady brazenly walked in from a side entrance but turned around the moment she saw me and exited by the same way she entered. Oh my tian. I was caught off guard and i think she'll really be having sore eyes now. Lol. When i popped my head out from where i was showering, i realized too that while walking from the open shower to the changing room, the alley it self could be seen from the outside! That meant that while i was strutting ard in full manly glory, the whole darn world was passing by outside and all it would've took was a pour soul to turn ard and look and he/she would've gotten the visual feast of their life!

Ate at Kou Fu b4 taking the sentosa express to Vivo City. Passed by the Luge...miss those days when I used to work there...but was back breaking work for pathetic pay. Piss-poor pay for a labour intensive job man. Hmmmm...oh yeah...while on the way out, we, or rather, good ol me started being high. Started playing a fool. If you can recall this advertisment where a man was walking the the park when a whole bunch of ppl ran to catch up with him, it'll help. Basically, the plan was to suddenly squat down in front of strangers as a grp and scare the hell outta them. Din do it in the end...but we did do LOTSA random pointing at the sky and walking away when someone noticed. Gosh. Madness. In the end, we had a pit stop under the night sky at Vivo City's roof top. What a beautiful right, the plan was to sit in the middle in a circle, shout YES! and scatter.

JUST as we sat down, my leg was such a classic tat my sides cramped up as well cause i was laughing too much. In the end we just sat where we were and talked trash till we were near the end. Played a modified version of 7-up. SUPER MOD version sia...used the number 9, till 300. Mental torture. =)

After that, took 65 home...looong day...rested on Sunday coz...mama said so...i had a fever actually...yeah...thus i almost collapsed from exhaustion a couple of times while playing beach volley. Ah love for volley.

12:54 AM

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

What others see from your style
Although to the untrained eye you may seem like a plain dresser who avoids trends, you actually wear carefully designed accessories and clothes that emphasize your uniqueness. You value your freedom and have an artistic mind. You are neither aggressive nor timid, but you believe in yourself.
What your nightclothes reveal

You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.
What others see from your ties

You enjoy being alone. You like to life the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamour.
What others see from your belts

You are a lonely and demanding person. You are hardworking as well as intelligent, and can be passionate when in love.
What others see from your shoes

You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.
What others see from your earrings

You are probably an independent and strong-willed person. Fairness is important to you, and you always stand up for what you believe in. You are friendly and get along well with people.
The last analysis

You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

What does being a friend really mean to you?
You value your friendships: 75%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

Your Hidden Talent
Here is the analysis:

The Mass Communicator
You have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.

4:54 AM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Just a short note coz i'm VERY exhausted from whats been going on.

Just wanna say a BIG thank you to my BUSINESS OLYMPIADs!

There's so much tt i wanted to share with ya all...but not all of you were ard...ah well...i just wanna say tat the friendships that u've all built during the past 2 days, will last you all the way, or at least, thru out ur academic life in TP.

Some of you will become buddies, some others, acquaintances...whichever it is, these are memories, that no one, can take away from you.

What we went through as a team, is something that will never be replaced.

The same event, with the same team put together, will never again bring abt the same results.

One shot and thats all we had.
YOU all, gave BUSINESS your best.

I just pray that thru these trials that you all went thru, that you'll all take the time to reflect on how you could've better performed. Why do i say this? time to come,either you'll find yourselves in a similiar situation, or you'll find yourselves in my shoes, leading a VICTORY!!!

My dear ladies and gentlemen...although there were only 49 (25 amazon-like ladies and 24 spartan-like men) of ya... you all...never gave up.

When faced with a challenge that seemed impossible, when faced with adversaries that outnumbered us, still, you all fought on.


2:08 AM

Saturday, April 14, 2007

3:29 AM

Monday, April 09, 2007

What Goes Around Comes Around

Hey Girl
Is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world (world)
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you, baby (baby)
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't wanna think about it (uh)
Don't wanna talk about it (uh)
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it (uh)
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair

Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around

Now Girl
I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now (on now)
Maybe I should do the same (maybe I should do the same)
The funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you baby (baby)
And now, it's all just a shame
That I guess I was wrong

Don't wanna think about it (no)
Don't wanna talk about it (hm)
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it (uh)
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Can you tell me is this fate

Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around

What goes around comes around
What goes around comes around
You should know that
What goes around comes around
What goes around comes around
You should know that

Don't wanna think about it (no)
Don't wanna talk about it (hm)
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it (uh)
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair

Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around (shoulda known better)
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around (now it's breaking my heart)
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around

Yup (let me paint this picture for ya, baby)

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And everytime you call him, all you get is a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes
When you cheated, girl
My heart bleeded, girl
So it goes without saying that should let the feeling hurt
Just a classic case scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl, you got what you deserved
And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right
But girl, I ain't somebody
I'm out of sympathy

What goes around comes back around
I thought I told ya
Hey (hey)
What goes around comes back around
I thought I told ya
Hey (hey)
What goes around comes back around
I thought I told ya
Hey (hey)
What goes around comes back around
I thought I told ya
Hey (hey)

Take it to em, J

Hey, hey, hey, hey(repeatedly till the end)

You shoulda listened to me, baby
Take it to em, J
What goes around comes back around

9:26 AM

Friday, March 23, 2007

11:42 AM

It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him, :Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up? :Alright, give me 5 minutes. :5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house. :I need to get ready. :Alright, make it fast then. 2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself. Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned. 5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch. 10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident? 15 minutes passed, he finally shown up. :Why are you so late? He wasn't even a lil' bothered: Nahz, was watching TV. :What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then? I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him. :Sorry. This was the first time he said sorry to me... He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl. I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home. He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels. The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry. I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises. He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl. Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes. Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead. Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised. I dropped my head: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again. If you can never change, then don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time. He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry. Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever. I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me. :What's wrong with you these few days? :Nothing. :Then why are you acting so strange? :I am not. :What can you say other than this answer? :Do you know I'm very woried, very insecure, do you treat me as your girlfriend? :I'm sorry... :I don't want to hear you say sorry again. I put down the phone and he did not call back. He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up. ....this was the 99th time he said sorry... From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him. Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up? After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him. I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him. :excuse me, is XOXO here today? :I'm afraid he already stopped schooling. :Huh? Why? When was that? :He hasn't been in school for a month already. :Oh erms...thanks. One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home. Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone.... I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer. How can it be? The whole family migrated? It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace. I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend. He was one of his brothers and also my good friend. :Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital. :REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED? :Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time. :I'll be right there. I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there. I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall. He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle, :Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me? He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again. :Come on answer me...why don't you speak? A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say... :I'm...sorry... After that, his eyes went shut. :Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me? :Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please. I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out.. :Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead? :I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use... :If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of your eyes..... That was the 100th sorry A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up... My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black. He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore. But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing. He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart. would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore. After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry. The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up. I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then, before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me? The second time, my dear, I... The third time, my dear, I... The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world, It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger.... You are the first girl I apologised to. And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life... Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you... Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear... I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible. The last photograph was of him in the hospital, Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever. His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th. At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him. :I'm sorry. I held the photo tightly and cried for us..... So Guys out there... Explain to your girlfriend... Always...... And girls... understand your boyfriend... Always...

11:22 AM

Monday, November 13, 2006

Its about time I moved on. long folks. I shall not reveal my new blog add yet, but if you're really interested, look for me on msn aite? =)

3:46 PM

Monday, October 09, 2006

I came across this line in a friend's blog entry:
Don't find love, let love find you.That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall...

Wondering why I haven't been updating?

Well... whenever i look back at how i've spent my day, its like a roller coaster ride... emotions ranging from euphoria to depression to pure bliss.

Guess thats why i kept it to myself... its ok friends...or foes... i'll still be updating...

For now, the occasional sms or msn messages will do just fine.

I really do not know whats on your mind...and why you choose to act the way you do. Till now, your name still appears as Enigma in my phone.

Maybe thats the way its meant to be.

2:31 AM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Hey...I've been working at the Luge for the past few i've been dead tired... was my previous week... i guess its been crazy...

Bought b/f for Enigma...waited for her to bathe b4 she opened the door 20mins+ later... by then i was dripping in perspiration... sent her to sch and then hung ard in the lab...went on to fagan's house and then down to the chalet... picked up Selene and Xin Xian, my junior from BB along the way... so we played the pretty cool ship trading strategy game... the most unlikely person to win, as she was LOSING big time, was SELENE!!!

Haha...then...Xin Xian went home, while the 3 of us met Enigma for a quick bite near her place. Then...Selene took a cab off, taking us along with her...packed my stuff and headed back to the chalet, Kai came... played the board game again... Met Vincent...who was doing the Adam Khoo camp for East View sec 1s...haha...i really wanted to do the camp man...anyway...he came over to stay at night...bugger...

Next day morn, we both woke up ard 6.30. He headed back to camp while i went down to TAS. Service...hmmm...execution day...we didn't get the highest sales...but i'm sure we could've done better if not for certain unfortunate events that happened...Headed home, changed and met Enigma and her 2 friends for a bit...back to the chalet... Stupong angel and Jie Mei Elenor came! We watched the return of pontianak on K.O and Ele stoning... she left ard 3 plus... Stupong left ard 5 plus while i left ard 8 plus...

During BESE... My tutor was being a goon...standing behind me while i was eating till i stopped and suaning ppl...arg...okie...I can't really recall much abt the past week... yeah.

Some thing that happened at the luge...
Its so cute i tell ya...and the guy was so happy...all smiley and stuff. And of course the gal was touched...


6:05 AM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Temasek Polytechnic Student Union

An organization run by students for students.
Sadly, as with every organization, there'll be those who use it as a means for their own purposes, to attain self-glorification. Using the name of their organization, they take part in events and activities to socialize, know more people, and especially, those of the opposite gender.

Well...what can i say... i can only thank God He sent 3 good men to my team, for i was on the brink of leaving.
Here's how it started off...

Met Sandy and Hui Qin, my elf-mates a.k.a Bananas as we wore the same coloured shirts. Walked over to the sports hall and registered... walk-in participants we din have a group. So when i saw the list... i was thankful that she wasn't in the same group as any of those i have a vendetta with. Until i saw who her FA was. A particular HE. Yup. No names mentioned for now, unless if he irks me further. Anyway... the misconception was that the three of us would be placed in grp 5... which i was ok with as the FA was Soon Poh, my own friend and buddy, and Willard was inside as well... to my horror, we were placed in the grp that i dreaded. The grp with two particular guys i have an issue with. Guys who love to A.A (attract attention), and so on... yeah...basically, guys i won't trust my female friends with.

SOOO...began the downfall of my grp...or so i thought... lots of stupid ideas were given by one of em, who proudly declared that HE was an INSTRUCTOR. Well... maybe you'll be reading this. If not for a friend of yours who stupendously nudged me to pull you in to my camp company, do you think you'll still be so privelleged to go on putting such a superior front? As an instructor, one should help, instead of fooling around and being oh-so-snoobish. Yeah... to think you'd openly declare that you're an instructor, sends goosebumps up my arse.

SO what did HE do?
He was a GL, so with his fellow empire GLs, they shared their own inside jokes and contributed nothing, which didn't makes things better. Why? Simply because our group was already 50-50 freshies, we didn't really have any who were camp-trained for cheers. Of course i could help out...but with such meddlesome ppl ard, even if i did, the effort will be wasted, for they are a marjority. And so as usual, i waited it out, and kept silent. For now. And oh. There was another HE.

Yup... i pity those who do not know of his background, and befriend him, thinking that his intention to be friends are truely noble, when in fact, he's just using em as he doesn't really have any. Those who do know him, will probably shun him. Well, i do. And i'm not alone on this. Anyway...during one of our cheers that we managed to come out with, he was being all so "hyped up" and "cutesy". A real eye-sore.

By night time, i was contemplating to either demand for a change in group or to leave. Well... after the games, i guess i couldn't, for the grps had more or less bonded together, and for me to leave and join another grp is considered an act of betrayal to me. SO of course i stuck on, and yes, thank you my BANANAs... who stuck by me...haha... at least you'll understand what i mean.
Night time... Kai came!!!
Haha...kuku bird man coz of his hair...ah well... then it was Angel, my stupong's (stupid + sotong = STUPONG!) birthday...sorry gal... i was abit bo chup coz i was to pissed with some ppl to realise it was really your birthday. there was the singing of Birthday songs and usual cake smashing and what not. Went up to join em later... met to 3 new members of my grp...its a God send. Why? Well... i was so down that i prayed...and asked God to send me someone, or some ppl who can help to revive the grp...and viola! All 3 of em... Chrisitians!
Jon and Tom who're cousins as well as Caleb!

They were all friends so they came together. Tom was in program com so of course i knew him...and jon, like his cousin tom was equally funny. Caleb (sorry if i spelled ur name wrong dude), haha... bugger... SUPER noisy can. But i love him. Lol...
So began the night, with a new day ahead, and brighter prospects of team bonding.
We played some card games and then headed off to rest at ard 4am...

Woke up... showered...yeah man...HOT water!!!
Another plus to my morning...then it was morning PT...some PPL did not wanna stand with their grps...who? A certain HE, who was a "dragon boater", came VERY late with his mates...and chose to stand aside...and when we had this "Caterpillar" thingy game, HE just sat there on the track. Bugger.

Well...tried to act close to me and the 3 guys... shoo man... go away. WHICH he had to...haha...dragon boat training...and when HE went, my mood lifted!
Of i've gotta thank the 3 guys, and yes... my 2 bananas. Oh yeah...breakfast... we din really have hot water... and warm water was non existant coz by the time it came out, it was luke-warm. Hmmm... the 4 of us guys went to take the milo packets, add some cold water from the water coolers and drank it straight. MARVELOUS!

Its so darn sweet and WOOSH... shiok man... couldn't stop...then i started reducing the amt of water till just enuff to make it like a paste...later on...added the milo powder to bread...freaking nice... in total... abt 6 pkts of milo?

AH well...pretty nonsense stuff...hmmm... some talk then it was field cooking... yeah...near the rock wall. Here my lighters and knife came to good use... yup... but was pretty dismayed at the lack of initiative of certain ppl... what i saw all ard were ppl staring at the food and the equipment and not doing anything...not even to help... and in the end... they ate and ate and ate... and din help to clean up... like how sandy put it in chinese... "chi bao le pai pai pi ku jiu zuo", which means after they're done eating, they'll wipe the dirt of their bum and leave. That means that they don't bother abt helping to clear up in short...

After tat it was slack time!!!
Then...some games... yeah... we won!!!
Really felt proud of my group at last... why? Coz we co-operated with each other... and helped to win the game... true...some had a long way to go in terms of communication... but i'm sure that we did well...wanted to debrief them in a way...but well... guess some things are better left unsaid... good job team...

Later on... TEA! Gosh... good food... yam ice-cream, fruit cake (not the one with raisins and all mind you, but the creamy one with fruits on TOP!), danish biscuits ( the ones in the dark blue metal tin?) and syrup drinks. Hmmm... this is the 1st camp that i've gone to with such

Well... to evaluate the camp...for their 1st time, especially Yee Ping and Glenda, Job well done gals... =)
I know its not easy... trust me, i'm sure you're not the only one who's been through this though our experiences differ. Well... Of course there are things that can be improved on...but not worth mentioning here...for your ears and eyes alone only.

Anyway... i really hope that the upcoming batch of sub coms will be as fervent and efficient as the last.


Ended with the customary CPF gathering...and...sent her home.
For 1/2 of the time, was thinking abt the guys who'd mess ard with you...well... what can i say. You don't belong to me.


11:38 AM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

---------------DECEMBER BABY ---------------

Loyal and generous.
Competitive in everything.
Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious.
Influential in organizations.
Fun to be with.
Easy to talk to,though hard to understand.
Thinks far with vision,yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness.
Polite and soft-spoken.
Having lots ofideas. Sensitive.
Active mind.
Hesitating, tends todelay.
Choosy and always wants the best.
Funny and humorous.
Loves to joke.
Good debating skills.
Has that someonealways on his/her mind.
Knows how to make friends.
Able to show character.
one guy/girlkind ofperson.
Easily hurt.
Prone to getting colds.
loves music.
pretty/handsome. Loves todress up.
Easily bored.
Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.

Ripped this from Fagan's blog...

Hey bro...can't wait to see you this much has happened... yeah man... shit hits the fan... ah well... lets lepak and slack and do what guys do. =)

Thanks to my friends who've been there for me. =)

You know who you are... I'm...still in a mess... but i'll get myself back together....or whats left of it.

Someone mentioned that my mentality is pretty matured... maybe... maybe not... but not till such an extent that i'm a full fledged adult... and maturity comes with wisdom, which requires experience...

I've mentioned in the past... we all go through different obstacles... but ultimately, its how we grow and overcome them that matters.

It takes time for people to gain such valuable lessons in life... well... I've got time.

Lets see where God leads.

12:23 AM


Jason Tan. Male. A true-blue Singaporean. Oldest son. 07.12.1987. Thai-Chinese.



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