Monday, July 02, 2007
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about the solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was, not surprisingly, a huge failure. Because:
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.[so true]
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A pastor died and went to heaven.
When got there, he was given a mansion. A really nice mansion. Nice and big, and very well furnished.
An angel was giving him a tour of heaven, he saw that a taxi driver had a castle.
Turning to the angel he asks, “Why does a taxi driver have a castle while I have only a mansion?”
“Well,” The angel responded. “Tell me. What happened when you preached.”
“People were saved! Well... some people left... and some people... slept... but still! Some people were saved!” the Pastor answered.
The angel shrugged and said, “Yes, when you preached, people slept. But let me tell you, when this guy drove, everyone prayed.”
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A woman had a fight with her husband so she ended up walking on the beach, fuming, while her husband was in the city.
As she walked along the shoreline, she noticed something gleaming in the water so she walked over and picked it up.
It was a magical lamp. So she began rubbing it and poof out came the genie.
“I will grant you three wishes.”
The woman smiled, “Ok I want-”
“Wait. I’m just going to let you know. Whatever you wish for, your husband receives double.”
“What?!” the woman screamed. “That is SO NOT FAIR!!!!!”
The genie just shrugged.
The woman thought about it and finally decided. She really needed some things anyway, “I want a million dollars.”
poof
In front of her appeared a million dollars, but somewhere in the city, two million dollars appeared before her husband.
“I also want a mansion.”
poof
Right there on the beach was a nice mansion overlooking the sea, but somewhere in the city, her husband received two mansions.
“Wait, so whatever I wish for, my husband receives double?”
“The genie nodded.”
“Ok then. Genie, I want you to scare me half to death.”
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A transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US navy ship and Canadian authorities of the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Us Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees South to avoid collision.
CND (Canadian) reply: Recommend you diver you course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.
Us ship: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, diver your course.
CND reply: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Us ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER US CORAL SEA, WE ARE A VERY LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse, your call.
2:00 PM
